Library Patrons Gone Wild

I haven't been able to post about real library patron encounters in a long time since I don't have much face-to-face interaction with them anymore. Every few weeks I pull a shift that puts me in a library in the patron crosshairs....like today:

I'm shelving and shifting, what I end up doing for hours when I pull one of these shifts. (I'm so glad I went to graduate school for this!) I always end up shelving for hours, but today was the first episode of shifting--I just couldn't stand seeing the topmost shelves jam-packed while the lower shelves were less than half-full. So, I shifted and shifted until the top shelves were empty. If you hate that, too, and visit your local library this week and find a small Dewey division no longer has books on the topmost shelves, you know who to thank. But, I digress...

I'm standing in the shelves, pondering space issues, when I hear: "Hey there, lady!" I step closer to the patron computers and say, "Yes?"
"Do you work here?"
"Yes." (No, I just wear a nametag and move books around for kicks.)
"Are you a fairly intelligent girl?" (Is 'yes' the right answer? Or 'no'? I don't know.)
".....What do you need?"

(Let me pause to point out the computer-using patron had slow, slurred speech and difficulty keeping her eyes open.)

"Yeah, uhh, I don't know how to do this [gestures toward computer screen], but I want to find out how much it costs to go to a casino in XYZ city."

I can see the computer screen is displaying a "search this site" on a phone company website. I say, "Have you tried G----- or another search engine?"

"Naw, I don't know how to do that."
"Well, type G-----.com in the address bar."
"Here?"
"No, here."
"OK." (G----- comes up.)
"So, you want to find out how much it costs to go to a casino on a trip?"
"No, I want to find out how much a casino costs."
"...."
"Yeah, I want to buy a casino in XYZ city."
"........."
"Like, I know the T---- Casino isn't for sale, and I don't want to build one. But, I'd like to take one over and run it."
"..............."

We discussed a few strategies for finding the information and I retreated into the shelves.
That was probably the last question I expected to be asked by a patron with few computer skills who may or may not have been drunk and/or stoned.