My new alarm clock is smarter than your honor student.

I bought myself a birthday present: a new alarm clock.

Maybe that doesn't sound like much of a self-present--why not a massage? or some shoes? or a whole box of chocolates just for me to eat? That stuff pales in comparison to this clock. It's by far the best self-present....maybe ever.

When I started dating TZM, I was using my cellphone as my alarm clock. Right after we moved in together, I cancelled my cellphone. TZM had brought his alarm clock into the relationship so I continued to be awakened in the morning at the correct time. By the way, the clock was on his side of the bed--that detail is important in the next paragraph.

Almost eight months ago, TZM retired. Not long after that he told me he thought the alarm clock should be on my side of the bed so it would be easier for me in the mornings. "Okay, whatever," I thought. "Big deal." Well....oh. my. god. "Big deal" is right because that alarm clock was THE most frustrating, confounding piece of....crap! If I had to write a review for overstock.com, you know I'd call it "The Devil's Alarm Clock."

I'll give the clock its due: it told time, the alarm sounded when needed, and the display was not so bright that it could double as an airport runway light. But, changing the alarm time and the regular time was a nightmare. The little buttons that controlled the hours and minutes required a particular amount of pressure on one specific part of the button. Too much pressure or too little pressure in the wrong spot, and nothing happened. On top of that, I'm positive the pressure and spot to push changed EACH TIME.

Sometimes I got up earlier than I needed to just to avoid having to fool with the alarm time. "Spring ahead" and "fall back": I dreaded those words each year because that meant I'd have to reset the time. And when the electricity went out.....ARGHHH!....time to reset the &$%@#!$ clock! (I have my suspicions TZM retired so he'd have a good reason to move the clock from his side to my side of the bed. Clever.)

Now maybe you can understand why I decided a new alarm clock was the best present I could give myself. It may not be as great as Brother's old clock, the Optimus Prime....I mean Spartus Neptune*......but it's pretty great:

• The new alarm clock has two alarms that will remember on which days I want them to sound: weekdays, weekend days, or both. I can forget turning the alarm off on the weekends because the new alarm clock knows I don't want it to wake me up.
  
• The new alarm clock has one, simple up/down button for setting the hours and minutes.
  
• The new alarm clock has a little battery inside it that helps it remember things, like the time and date when the electricity goes out. (I'm afraid to imagine what else the new alarm clock may be storing.)
  
• And, oh yeah, the new alarm clock's display is so bright I have to cover it up at night. ("My [new alarm clock's] so bright, I gotta wear shades.") That's a negative, but I think I can live with it.
• Added 3-8-09: The new alarm clock remembered to spring me ahead an hour even though I had forgotten about the time change.
  

I keep asking myself why I put up with that clock for a year and a half. It was made out of plastic not gold. And TZM admitted--after moving the clock to me, of course--that he hated it, too. I think I forgot there was a better way to live.


*Turns out the "Tale of the Spartus Neptune" is one of Brother's most commented upon posts!